I've said it time and time again. My writing time has really taken a blow. I would like to think I still have inspiration to write and finish pieces and projects. My fear is that I'm wishfully thinking that. But alas, I have a tiny secret that I haven't really shared outside my circle of friendship.

Whereas my writing time has been reduced- I have been utilizing my photography passions. Seeing as I have finished my photography course- I've been taking my camera to use OUTSIDE of coursework and have been using it for personal, artistry reasons.
My friend took it upon herself that my recent work in photography was good enough to sell.........to........people....... x.x

She did it without informing me first, thus she did it afterwards. She showed a restaurant owner a single photo, and the lady instantly loved it. It ended with my friend giving this lady my contact information. I have been waiting for a call ever since. I took some of my photos and blew them up and framed them.

The restaurant is a fish 'n chips type place. My friends have been taking me to a different beach every other week, which means most of the bulk of the photos are beach-oriented.

My friend was all like "Make sure to sign the ones you're going to sell." I don't know how to respond to that in a positive way. I broke my right hand two times in a row, and I haven't been able to hand write...decently ever since. I just said "What if I sign it with my pen name?" She gave me a sideways-confused look. "It's good enough to use your real name." I smirked. "I guess."
She told me "Don't be so hard on yourself." I wanted to continue the conversation but I just let it end with that note.

The way I think, and the way I look at it.

With writing, of course, I started out as a dumbass. I didn't know which way was which. I had a lot of spelling mistakes everywhere. I was hard on myself when I realized how bad I was. I guilty encouraged myself that I will keep at it and become better in my own way. I loved writing since the beginning. But that seed in my head during that time was growing.

"I want to be a professional writer."

A few years later~

I don't know that can happen.....

I can't see myself as a professional writer. Plain and simple.

I mean, sure, I've written a lot, A LOT of poetry. And many have hit the front page....on all four accounts. Four entire accounts stacked with poetry.
And sure, I've written one prologue to a story, but keep in mind I didn't even get around to writing the first chapter to that story. Even though I had many, many good responses to the prologue, I even got an awesome response from my English instructor...but...I didn't feed off of it and keep going. I kind of just drifted away from it. ( I still have the storyline in my mind though....if that counts for anything.)

I learned a lot about literature through my poetry, and through that prologue.

But I still can't see myself as a professional writer anymore....It's just a hobby....it's.....just....a passion....
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Graphic design. Oh gawd, I can already tell this could be very long if I had the time to fully explain this section.

Long story short, when I got into online gaming, and clan communities, everyone and their mum had "Signatures" with their favorite character and username done up with photoshop.
I told our clan sig maker "DUR DUR DUR I WANNA LEARNT HOWT 2 D0 DAT PLOX"
He taught me how to pirate it. He taught me how to use it. He taught me how to get better, and seek. I was in heaven, while becoming a sig maker for our clan.

Again, I started out in graphic design as a complete, young, dumbass who didn't know any better. But I loved it. I loved every second of it. Learning different things, learning how to do this and do that.

If I got stressed, or bored, which I was way back then- I turned to photoshop and make signatures or wallpaper. That was my pass time. I guess you can say it was my first....real...hobby....but back then I didn't consider it a "legit" hobby.

I used photoshop as a kind-of-therapy. I lost myself while graphic designing and image manipulating.

I've even made a bunch of websites for friends. I didn't even know how to make a fucking website in the first place. I just went with it. I got paid for my first real website. I lucked out though. This guy in another clan was super rich, and nice, and he decided that payment was needed for the work that I've done for him. I didn't ask for payment, he insisted.

After that I got requests from other clans to make them "clan" websites. Hell, there came a point where I got to make my own clan website, three times.

*fast forward*

After a few years of being on DA, I started using cover art attached with poetry. And my first real cover art that got noticed was "Sacrifice" and it got praised by a clothing company. They asked me to sell them the design. I did my research and I was able to sell it to them. But, I didn't. I was going through a lot of shit around this time. I never did contact them back.

And again....it happened again.....a party / rave clothing company contacted me after "Sympathy For Another" was released. They expressed interest in hiring me as a designer for them. Ya know, designing shirts and stuff......I didn't bother to respond. I don't know why...it's just..........I......don't think I would be good at it.

(subject change)

Advertisement...after my friends found out I knew my way around photoshop...they hired me to make a flyer for their home business. Right at the beginning, Kevin said "Eric, you should become a professional graphic designer! You're really amazing!"

I don't take compliments well....I smirked and quietly replied with "Heh...I don't think so...."

I.....can't see myself as a professional graphic designer.....

it's just.....a hobby.......it's ....just....another passion.....
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The point I was getting at- when my friend said "Eric....you should become a professional photographer!"

I smiled, and......I didn't say anything.

I'm new to photography...........I'm just starting out.......I...don't know....
____________________________________________________________________

After so many people asked me the question...and after so many assumptions...

Not many people know what my dream is. I can't see myself as a writer, a graphic designer, a photographer....

Don't get me wrong....I love all of those to hell and back and back to hell. It's just my first "real"dream growing up never really got knocked off the top of the list.

My parents asked me when I was a kid "What do you want to be when you grow up. I said the first generic thing on the top of my head. "A Cop"

Years later, a school course asked me "What do you want to be? What is your goal? What is your dream?"

I said. "My name is Eric, and my dream is to become a DJ." everyone paused for a few seconds, and clapped. I was the only one who got the "pause" in the group. It was like they had to process what I just said.

Some people don't realize that Music is a huge part of my life. When my family or friends or strangers see me with my big headphones bumpin' they assume I'm pissed or "drowning out the world"
Well sometimes that may be true...but...the real reason is- is that I ENJOY LISTENING TO MUSIC SO MUCH THAT I WANT TO LISTEN TO MUSIC WHENEVER I WANT AND WHEREVER I WANT AND HOWEVER LOUD I WANT.

I never go anywhere without my Ipod, without my playlists....without my music. Think about it for a second~

When I play games - I listen to music

When I write - I listen to music

When I photoshop - I listen to music

When I take photos - I'M LISTENING TO MUSIC

When I'm walking - I listen to music

When I'm hanging out with friends - I'm still listening to music in one ear, while the other is concentrated on those who are talking

Hell, when I'm at the dentist - I'm still fucking listening to music

Music is my fuel. Music is the source of my passion. Music is the foundation of all I've created.

FUCK, when I'm falling asleep - I'M LISTENING TO MUSIC

I want to be a DJ. I want to create music. I want to mix tracks. I want to work at a club. I want to do parties, and wedding and every other thing you can think of that DJ's do.
I want to do it all.

It's my life......music....is my salvation......music....is.........the core of my passion.